Going solo

Friday, July 14, 2006

Seeking solace

In June 2002, I went for a mini pilgrimage with a broken heart. I was in so much emotional pain. There I managed to find my peace and solitude. For that short period of time, I was cut away from the turmoils and confusion in my life.

I remember being in Masjid Nabawi. Being inside gave me a feeling of serenity that I have not felt before. I was in Raudhah, the area which Rasullulah s.a.w mentioned to be one of the gardens in heaven. Those who sit and pray there would get Allah's biggest blessings.

It was very crowded and people were pushing and shoving to get a spot to pray. I managed to get a tiny spot for myself enough to perform my prayers. I remember performing the solat istikharah, a prayer to seek Allah's guidance in knowing if what we choose was the best for us. I asked Allah if I was making the right decision to get married and be with the man that I had been with for so many years.

The next day I woke up from sleep and felt an extraordinary calmness. It was as though the bad thoughts had been flushed out of my head. It was an incredible feeling of calm.

It was right then that I made my decision.


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